now i know why i became what i already was.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
