D3 body, D1 cock
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
