In America we eat man semen.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
