Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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