I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
