Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
