dude i'm inner monologue high
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
