Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
