"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
