so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
