is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
