Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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