I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize