I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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