if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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