I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
