ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
