I wish I could teleport
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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