oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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