this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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