you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
