okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
