This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
