My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
