If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
