I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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