the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
