if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
