i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize