you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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