I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
