If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
