Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
