I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
