it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
