I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
