Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize