my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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