yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
