So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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