Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
