I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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