Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
