Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
