he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
