this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
We need to feng shui this bitch.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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