Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
