I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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