Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
