anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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