the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
