they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
