His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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