Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
