do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize