just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
