it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
