We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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