why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
