I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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