We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
