we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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