he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
