the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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