All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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