The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize