plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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