He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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