Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize