I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize